WELCOME TO THE DEPRESSING ENTRY :D

SCHOOL
I am doing so horribly in school. i don't know why. second semester is just screwing me over.. i'm pretty sure i can pull up my 88 in history and chem.. if i had 3 more points in chem i would have an A-. English.. i'm doing better than i normally do which is good. Math is seriously hopeless. everyone has such a bad grade in that class. the teacher just wants to fail all of us. *sigh* and they said sophomore year was easy? screw that. i'm so tired of everything i dont even feel like caring anymore. even though it seems like i do.. deep down i dont care what college i go to.. as long as its a uc.. and not like ucsb or uc irvine... a decent UC. looks like i'll be stuck with another 3.66 this quarter. HOPEFULLY. xP

HISTORY
everyday i get freaking ridiculed by certain people in that class. some people just seem to know the right ways to lower someone's self esteem. that class just makes me want to cry sometimes. "aww janet are you going to cry now?" stFu. i AM OKAY. at least the tears that are at the corner of my eyes feels like i am. "aw janet why you gotta be so mad at me now bitch?" shuttup. why do you THINK im mad? so leave me friggin alone. yah okay i am fat i know that. yes im ugly too. yes im stupid. yes i cant do anything right. you dont have to rub it in my face. gawd. people have feelings. the world does not revolve around you. i never knew i was this sensitive.. i guess i am...

ME
there used to be a time where i was satisfied with myself in the mirror. that age is over. whenever i look at myself.. this depression just comes over me. im breaking out. i have pimples now. xP im so dark.. im so short.. my face is just a mess. im so ugly. im sooooo fat. AHHHHHHHH. why cant i be thin like everyone else?? i wish i were 18 so i could join some jenny craig program and lose all my stupid fat. and i noticed how fat my thighs were the other day. i could pinch a bunch of fat from my upper thigh. and my stomach is round like the world. ANYWAY. ill shuttup now. i wish i were 100x better looking than i freaking am now.

WAR
the united states is at war. im scared. but i think im feeling a bit too overconfident. im trying to cushion myself with words of comfort like "dont worry itll be over within a month.".."the iraquis are surrending".."it wont affect the bay area." and what if things get worse? it hurts me when ...people.. talk about getting drafted into war. especially when they WANT to get drafted. i hope that never happens. i will die if that happens. do they realize how much i love and care about them? if i lose anyone in this war.. i will personally fly myself over to washington dc and beat the crap out of george bush. thats right! *sigh* just thinking about it makes me want to crrrrry :*(

MISSION
my school is becoming sooo messed up and corrupted. what happened the the happy go lucky smartarse school that everyone wanted to go to? first of all it started with the audrey lin issue and how she talked about how she cheated through highschool. she gave up her valedictorian space. later during exit exams.. there was the fire in the boys bathroom that was supposedly purposely started.. someone set fire to the toilet paper rolls. we then had an issue with 6 mission students hacking in to the school grading system and changing their grades. they have been seriously punished. and yesterday someone tried to set fire to the administrator's office. there was a crime scene and everything. im scared to go to school.. not a very healthy environment if you ask me..

hehe and how are you?