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we got another goat today. we called her twix. she's only 2 months old. she is adorable. unfortunately she is freaking loud and makes too much noise. homie is skinny because he has been lonely :( i love homie.
my head hurts and im feeling sick... it kinda disappoints me how for the past year ive gone from guy to guy to guy. i never cleared my mind from boys for like.. the most 3 weeks. how pathetic and sad. what the hell is wrong with me? i move on yes. but then am i so desperate for the flattery of another guy because i was currently without this type of infatuation? or does an awesome guy just happen to come into my life every time after something ends with another? sometimes i think that i am able to "move on" quickly (if you think 6 months is quickly..) because i prayed to God about it. i think it was HIM who cleared my heart and renewed my heart. whatever dude im am freaking confused. i don't think its a need. i dont go LOOKING for guys or anything. it just HAPPENS. and then i fall into their stupid spell of sweet talking and i never know what's true and whats genuine. holy crap i need a nap i had another dream again. this time i was at a Christian retreat/camp of some sort and me and a bunch of friends (from Church, school, other schools..) were in a cozy room just singing praise songs. one of the songs really touched me and i just broke down crying. i kept crying and i could feel the flow of salty tears draining and streaming down my face. it wasn't a bad cry though.. i think God's love just hit me once again. i freaking want that in real life. i want to feel His love and peace and power. Jesus Lord I love You. I'm always calling on you. By eating of you, Your life assimilating. The world and my old self eliminating. The world may say I'm crazy, but i just give my love to You. i know i really shouldnt be thinking about this. but every time i come out of a bad relationship.. i just become even MORE pickier than i already was. when i was in junior high i didnt really care about the qualities of a guy. all that really mattered to me was "oh you like me, i like you let's be boyfriend and girlfriend!" thats how it was and since sophomore year i havent had a boyfriend (or say claimed the title). i was always too indecisive and paranoid to commit. i analyzed everything. now im going to set even more strict rules upon myself. i definitely want a Christian boyfriend. NO exceptions. he HAS to be Christian. and no, i dont mean the "i go to Church thus im Christian." anyone could go to Church.. he has to actually trust in God and love God. i seriously think the perfect first date would be to go somewhere comfortable and private.. eat, talk, cuddle, pray, and sing worship songs. that is what i want. |
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