i know my brother reads my blog.. but im going to post about this anyway.

FiENd ZerOX (8:08:43 PM): ure being mean
FiENd ZerOX (8:08:51 PM): why do u like tattle tailing on me
FiENd ZerOX (8:08:53 PM): -.-
SmoO v Yx (8:08:59 PM): like for WAHT
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:00 PM): or w/e u spell it
SmoO v Yx (8:09:10 PM): because youre lying
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:12 PM): in front of mom: "why does victor keep playing games"
SmoO v Yx (8:09:13 PM): you say youre doing homework
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:16 PM): i do
SmoO v Yx (8:09:23 PM): well whenever i see you youre playing games
SmoO v Yx (8:09:27 PM): calvins calling you about games
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:27 PM): u never see me
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:31 PM): ure always in your room
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:35 PM): talking with bfs
SmoO v Yx (8:09:36 PM): no i pass by
SmoO v Yx (8:09:38 PM): oh please
SmoO v Yx (8:09:44 PM): that is not a comeback since its not even true
FiENd ZerOX (8:09:53 PM): ur life is full of bfs
SmoO v Yx (8:10:01 PM): mhm right
SmoO v Yx (8:10:04 PM): so who is it now?
FiENd ZerOX (8:10:11 PM): sum guy tahts going to dump u [that hurt]
SmoO v Yx (8:10:48 PM): not if he dumps you first [that's why i came back with a crappy comeback]
SmoO v Yx (8:10:57 PM): and you sleep in
SmoO v Yx (8:11:01 PM): you sleep at 12am
SmoO v Yx (8:11:02 PM): wake up late
SmoO v Yx (8:11:05 PM): dont go to church
FiENd ZerOX (8:11:10 PM): ur too forceful
SmoO v Yx (8:11:12 PM): but you wake up early on saturday to atch cartoons
FiENd ZerOX (8:11:14 PM): makes me NOT want to go to church
SmoO v Yx (8:11:15 PM): no you wouldnt even go
SmoO v Yx (8:11:22 PM): if i didnt tell you to
SmoO v Yx (8:11:26 PM): you wouldnt even go anyway
FiENd ZerOX (8:11:30 PM): so?
FiENd ZerOX (8:11:34 PM): its MY descision
FiENd ZerOX (8:11:36 PM): not yours
SmoO v Yx (8:11:44 PM): well then you SHOULDNT have gotten baptized
SmoO v Yx (8:11:54 PM): if you actually took god seriously
FiENd ZerOX (8:12:35 PM): how do you know i dont take god seriously
FiENd ZerOX (8:12:36 PM): you DONT
SmoO v Yx (8:12:45 PM): how do i not take him seriously?
FiENd ZerOX (8:12:51 PM): i never said u didnt
FiENd ZerOX (8:12:56 PM): i can tell you do
SmoO v Yx (8:13:06 PM): well then why cant you just SHOW outwardly
SmoO v Yx (8:13:08 PM): that you actually care
SmoO v Yx (8:13:12 PM): thats how god really wants it you know?
SmoO v Yx (8:13:25 PM): thats how he KNOWS that you want to live a life like his

THIS IS WHAT OLDER SISTERS ARE FOR. i dont tell this to my brother. but if he reads this then he'll know. i love him like crazy. you dont know how much i care about him and how much i look out for him. the reason i WANT him to go to church and "force" him is only because i love him. i want him to have a healthy relationship with God. im sick of seeing so many people turn away from God.. and it just worries me that he's going to turn out to be one of those people. he's turning into a mad crazy teenager.. he's going through a savage stage of puberty. he throws hurtful words at my family and gets ticked off and gets violent at the smallest things. yet he wont take responsibility for anything and remains glued to the computer. one night i was in his room and he didnt want me there. i didnt move. he started kicking me and hitting me (and he has really heavy hands and feet). i dont think he realized how much it hurt me physically and emotionally. my mom came into his room to ask what was going on but i just left, plopped onto my bed and let the tears stream.

i hate his superficial friends. honestly, i dont think he has one genuine friend, except maybe two, but he doesnt even like them all that much. its not his fault, its his school. all they call him for are for homework and game advice. he needs friends who can talk to him about serious issues and get him through life. he deserves so much more. maybe thats why im so overprotective over him.

and sometimes when im just "joking around" i ask him "do you love me di (chinese for little brother)??" and he replies "no." i feel so uncomfortable and hurt inside but i try to smile and manage a "aw comon." the things i do are only because i love him, despite how annoying and posessive they are.