I made one of these "to-do" lists last year so I might as well make one this year too.

THINGS I HAVE TO DO DURING THANKSGIVING BREAK:
[-] Finish homework
[-] Study for Chem
[-] Study for History
[-] Work on Frederick Douglass essay
[-] Work on Chinese School term paper
[-] Study for SAT1
[-] Study for SAT2 Writing
[-] Get fat from Thanksgiving dinner
[-] Attend Parent/Teacher conferences (Actually I don't even know if I'm going this year. My mom hasn't mentioned it)
[-] If I go, get lectured and cry
[-] "Roadtrip" with the girls?

It's going to be a not-so-fun break.

I hate myself. I don't understand why I can't be good at anything. I don't understand why I annoy myself so much sometimes. I probably annoy the hell out of other people because I can be so rude, obnoxious, loud, sarcastic, gross, etc. sometimes. Ed's right. I probably will never get a boyfriend, or perhaps never get married. All the guys are scared of me. When I ask "What did you say?" tp any guy, he just backs away and says "I'm sorry." What has become of me? Then I was singing "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer" today and I was SO loud, weird, and hyper. People were staring at me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but I am too freaking queer. Then there's Winter Ball. I know THIS shouldn't bother me either. But NEVER has ANYONE asked me to any dance, except like once back in 7th grade, and once last year, but seriously that didn't even count. If I went to a dance with someone, it was either because I asked him, or it was assumed since we were boyfriend/girlfriend, had a fling, or whatever. I don't want to go to Winter Ball, but it would be nice if someone actually asked me. Yeah, I feel so stupid and desperate. I hate watching couples. This sense of lonliness comes over me.

It's so retarded how I've had more than twice as many flings as actual concrete relationships. Holy crap, I have such bad luck. I hate boys and I hate how they're so complicated. I hate how I sound like such a ditz right now.

Gawd, I hate how I'm so stupid!