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I try to live life by and for God, and only God, but it's hard because sometimes I feel like I'm living for my parent's expectations. You don't know how much burden and pressure is resting upon my shoulders. My parents have lowered there standards on me a bit. My mom tells me, "Oh it's okay you don't have to go to Stanford anymore because I don't think you can make it anyway. Your brother, on the other hand, has so much potential and is probably too good for Stanfod. He should go to Harvard." You don't know how much that hurts me.
And when I want to cry alone, my brother comes barging into my room. When I ask him to leave, all he does is claim that I have a new boyfriend who's going to break my heart and I dont want my him to be there because I'm talking to my "boyfriend." Then the tears just stream even more. If I didn't have faith in God, or the Bible, I'd probably smoke, do drugs, blah blah all that bad stuff by now. That's basically what I'm holding on to. I need to get away. |
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