Cheryl and I went to David's Bridal to hunt down prom dresses, but when we were going to go look for a dressing room the lady told us that we would have to wait TWO HOURS for a consultant. Haha what the hell? A consultant? To try on dresses? Alright, whatever floats their boats. So we made an appointment for Friday. We will be bAHK! (Arnold Schwarzenegaweofiaef style). I saw the pink dress from the website though, and it is GORGEOUS! I want it so badly. :( Hopefully it will still be there by the end of this week!

Anyway I totally went through some dramatic crap last night. I showed my mom some dresses I thought were pretty then she started saying how they're too formal and girls who are 18 wear them. I then showed her some pictures from junior prom from past yearbooks. I also showed her some random girl's pictures from last year's prom. She then said "You see all these girls? They're thin, and they look good in these types of dresses. See this girl? She's too fat." I asked my mom, "Do you think I'm really that fat?" She responded with, "No, but you come close." I then pushed her out of my room, locked myself into the bathroom, and cried my eyes out. She told me to come out to eat dinner, but I refused and said, "If you think I'm so fat, then I won't eat your dinner." I guess she felt bad later on, and when I calmed down she apologized and told me that she only says these things because her expectations are high, and she still wanted to go dress shopping with me. I've forgotten about it, I forgive her, but still, those words really hurt.

I'm holding back. I really am. I hate committment now; it has become my enemy. He's so freaking nice to me, and he's so incredibly sweet. It's interesting how the thought of me and him in like December was gross. Everyone would say, "Yeah cute highschool couple blabla" and I would think to myself, "Uh.. are you crazy!? That's so disgusting." I don't know. I just can't be totally comfortable about it for some reason. I guess I'm still holding on to something else, if you know what I mean. I think like "Maybe it's all too soon.. everything is happening too fast." And quite frankly, it has. A LOT has happened in the past week. I just hope I don't do anything that I will regret. Anywho... Mm.. first cut is the deepest. I think it's become like one of those wounds where you bleed close to death, it becomes a large gash. Then you pick at the scab for the longest time, and now it's become an ugly scar. Shrug. BUT WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO NICE TO ME!? STOP!!!! It makes me feel bad. :(

Oh I read my diary the other day. I wrote in it during the summer of last year and I totally forgot about it. I was talking about how I fell for the greatest guy, but everything got messed up and blabla. Then the P.S. came and it said, "His name is ____. If I'm really old right now and I've lost touch with him, remember that I promised him that I'd never leave him as a friend." Then I wrote down his phone number... Damnit.