Right about now, I don't really care what anyone thinks, and I'm just going to put whatever I think right here because I'm upset enough to do that.

THiNGS THAT HAVE BROUGHT ME DOWN OVER THE PAST COUPLE DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS:

1. Irresponsible people
Cathy and I worked so hard on our stats project with obtaining a random sample and other stuff, but then our other member loses the list. Plus she doesn't go to school earlier in the mornings (twice in a row) when she said she would to calculate information. Now I'm going tomorrow morning (very early) to do it for her. Yay, more work for me. Also our decade report that Laura and I worked on for 8 hours on Friday. I know it's not the other members faults that they couldn't make it. But I guess it just irritates me that we spent so much time on it when I could've spent all that time preparing for SAT2s, and the others didn't put in that much effort. Whatever, I don't know.

2. People who use me
Seriously if the only thing you say to me is, "What is the homework?", "What did you get for number 4 on the lab?" don't even bother talking to me at all. Because really, you are just a burden to me. The reason why I don't answer a lot of you is because I just close your window. Sucks for you, doesn't it!? Also, do not say things such as "Invite me to your house, and give me a tour." Or "When can I come over and play pool?" Also, do not randomly invite people with you to come check out my house. It is rather annoying and it also upsets me a lot, because you're using me. My house is somewhat like a sanctuary to my family and close friends; it is not a public museum.

3. The highschoolers at Church
Yes, I've never complained about this before. But recently, I just have not felt like going to Church. This is why... Everyone fools around and never takes anything seriously. It's also very rude to the auntie or uncle who is trying to teach. Tim's dad taught yesterday and he had a "sermon" type of thing written out and everything. While he was so dedicated to deliver his message, everyone else was throwing shoes around, talking, laughing, making corny jokes, I mean really... what happened to respect? I feel like the unity of the Church is falling apart. Also, when people pray beforehand, "Dear God, please let us concentrate in our upcoming classes" how about actually trying? I don't know.. maybe my expectations are just too high.

4. Tennis
I guess it still annoys me that I wasn't on that list for the captin votings. Honestly, what have I done wrong that does not make me eligible? I designed the clothing logos, I worked my butt off for the tennis cd and slideshow, I made the tennis website, and yet I am somehow still not good enough. Yes, my skill at tennis sucks. I openly admit it because I know it's true. Next year, I'll probably be stuck on JV once again, all alone. I also want to change partners.

5. My mother
Even though I love this woman a lot, and I know she loves me, there are two things that she has once said to me that have scarred me for life. One of them is, "You don't work hard. I might as well adopt someone who has real dreams and pay for their education because you don't appreciate it at all." Also a couple months ago she said, "You're worthless to the family," which led me to cry about that alone for hours too.

6. My brother
I guess it hurts when he hits me/kicks me. He doesn't realize how much stronger he is than me, and how hard he can hit. Also when he calls me a horrible sister, "the meanest sister in the world," "the most stupid sister in the world," etc., when I love him to pieces.

7. My eye
Why did I have to get herpes? Out of all the million people in the world, why did it have to be me? Yeah I know I should be thankful for not getting blindness from it or anything, but it still sucks. I'm stuck with glasses for a long time, maybe even my whole life. I asked my doctor when I could get laser eye surgery, and he said when I'm twenty. But it wouldn't be that great of an idea because it might trigger the herpes to start up once again. Bah. I also can't wear eye makeup. NOooo! This herpes thing will make me ugly forever. Harhar. I envy those of you with contacts.

8. People who accuse me for something that I'm really not
For instance calling me a liar, when I have never lied to them about anything. It kinda sucks trying to be so honest and open, and instead being called a liar for it instead. Also, "cocky/stuck up." I really don't know what I do these people to deserve this kinda shit.

7. SAT2s/Finals
I think that is pretty much self explanatory. Plus the fact that I suck at comprehensive/standarized testing. I always get screwed over. Always. No matter how hard and how much I study.

8. ?
Wow, I'm not quite sure about this one. I don't really know if I like him or not. If I do, that'd be pretty stupid because I barely know him. It's just that he seems like such a cool person. I so so so admire his relationship with God. Then again, I don't really know him, so it's not my place to judge that. And I guess because of certain conflicts, it would be hard for me to get to know him. So, there we go, my chances for that are gone.

8. Moving on to Senior Year
I don't want to grow up. I guess I can't accept the realization that basically everything I've worked for, and all of my parents' nagging and pushing through these 12 years will come down to March of Senior Year.



I'm not a very happy kid. I'm messed up and I desperately need God.