So I guess I'm gradually coming back.

You don't know how spiritually empty I've been feeling recently. I don't seem to care about going to Church anymore, or really the need to. I talk to God everyday about it though. I ask Him, "God I don't want to be like this. Remember when I loved to go to Church? Remember how I would sing super loud because I was so happy to be in your House?" And I envied those days. I'm seriously so lost; I have no idea why I've been like this.

Maybe it's because I've been way too involved in school, and distracted with other things in my life. Or maybe it's because of certain conflicts that have driven me away to go to Church. I know these things shouldn't affect me, but subconsciously they do. I've become paranoid to the fact that certain people will ignore me, I'll get called on to talk when I have nothing to say, the parents all hate me, etc.

Then Jen told me yesterday in history, "Janet come to the Youth Alive tomorrow. We're going to worship the whole time." I suddenly got so excited. I haven't gone to Youth Alive in months. I also haven't been going to Church consistently recently, and well, I was anxious to feel what it's like to praise God again. I was scared though. Most of my friends don't attend Youth Alive, even though some are Christian, and are usually doubtful to. I really needed it. I hope they would have understood.

So today I asked Stephanie if she wanted to go to Youth Alive, but she shook her head. And I guess that was my first disappointment, and huge discouragement. I asked Cheryl later, and she seemed reluctant, but I guess she could tell that I really needed and wanted to go, so she agreed. Thanks Cheryl. Wow it was good. The whole time I was singing, I was just praying, and asking God for a miracle to bring me back.

Then the lyrics on the overhead said

"Open my eyes to Your heart Lord. Open my eyes to Your heart. I want to see You."

Tearing and praying. I couldn't live my life like this. I couldn't live a lie.



Thank you Jen Chiu.
Thank you Cheryl Sheh.
Thank you God.