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I think I've finally realized why I'm so insecure about my outer experience. Or actually I've known it all along, but it's never really hit me that hard before.
My mother. Every single day, she reminds me that I'm fat. And that my legs are huge. And that my eyebrows are weirdly shaped. And that my nose is flat and I lack a nose bridge. And that my eyes are too small and that I need double eyelid surgery. And that I hunch my back a lot. Every. single. day. She says that she reminds me for my own good so I can improve. I wish that she could just be pleased with me and feel that I don't have to "improve," and that I'm fine and beautiful the way I am. I'm not saying that I'm beautiful, I'm very far from it, but God sees me as beautiful. God sees me as His perfect child, and he wouldn't want me to change my outer appearance to make Him satisfied. -- Went to Church tonight and discussed Matthew ch 14. Verses 14:30-32 are such great reminders. :) Tim and Tiffany are leaving for UC Davis. :( -- I've started putting together my portfolio for college, and I'm relieved to say that I have more than enough to put in it! I managed to find a bunch of sketches over the past few years, a few pencil drawings, oil paintings, and a BUNCH of past website layouts. Looking at the website layouts brings back memories ever since jr. high. Ah.. :) |
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