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Entry from March 28, 2003:
last night was kinda nice and yet really depressing. around 11ish i was sitting outside on my balcony wrapped in a blanket with my dog and had headphones on listening to music. i was just admiring the night sky and the stars. there was this really bright star above me and just for the heck of it i made a wish on it like i used to when i was younger. i even swear that i saw a shooting star/meteor in the corner of my eye. *shrug* i just sat there and evaluated my life. then some more things...occurred. and then i just broke down crying. i have come to the conclusion that my life is full of lies and broken dreams. Today was kinda like that, minus the "kinda nice" part. What a sad freaking sad depressing song. [B44-Endlessly] And I know I've always just been your friend But if you look my way I'll make sure you never hurt again Do you know I exist? Just to promise you this? Endlessly to be true to you. And if you'd only see how beautiful you and I would be. I remember when you fell in love. I could not believe that it was not with me. Did you know my heart's been broken since the day I met you? I don't know, I never realized how strong it was until it happened. It just hit me. I feel horrible miserable stupid. Yes stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Did I mention stupid? And I feel ugly and I feel fat and I feel stupid. Vulnerable. Easy. Worthless. Stupid. Everytime I think about it. I feel so... frustrated and hurt. I feel so freaking pathetic. |
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